Another year, another birthday ...

... which means I'm a year older (not that I look any younger than last year or the year before it lol). 

I'm 20 years old now.

And today (since I'm such a dork) is Charles Dickson's 200th Birthday apparently. AMAZING much?

I've been far too busy with stuff ... time to write a bit. Luckily I hit some inspiration. So I hope to have more writing done on things.

Always,
Magpie~ <3

Why am I still up at 2AM???

... because I'm just that dedicated to my writing research? 

I've been working on TLM but it has come to a bit of a standstill where my motivation wants to work on something else for a bit like a whiny bratty little child so I have to obey it or else I'll lose it ... again.  This is rather unfortunate since I'm 13 chapters away from bein done apparently, according to my notes.  Instead I turned my eyes on working on a little bit more on AGP:VQ. 

Now with AGP:VQ I have to do a fair bit of planning (like all books) but mostly research on the landscape/cityscape/places&areas in London, England mainly because I've never been there. Although I would LOOOOVE to win an INSTANT trip to dear old England, I alas cannot. Not with studies, essays and insanity ruling my life at the moment so no. Plus I'm far too poor (curse the book research, which is coming in handy despite my dwindling hard-earned money).  If I ever win the lottery I will TRAVEL THE WORLD as a reward, England INCLUDING.

I've pretty much planned out and mentally drew out Kai's arrival in London, England from her homeland of Canada and, ooh boy, was it a ride to behold. Now I'll finish writing the first bit and whatnot.

NOTE: I did write this up at 2AM someday last week, just finally posted it up today. [laughs]

Always,
Magpie~

Our Hearts Left Unsaid

<sub>Have you ever had an unrequited love that might have been a mutual one had you had the courage to say something?

How long has it lasted?

Mine has been an on-going project of seven years.

Seven long years.

Even though I can't see him, he creeps into my heart (in the good unsuspecting way of course) from time to time, and it hurts. Memories flash this way and that way. His famous smile ever present. Still vibrant and bright like yesterday's memories. Directed at me as I studied him, wondering if he was leading me on a wild goose chase, or was he truly the guy who only had eyes for me? The guy I've always dreamed of meeting and knowing?

He was an elusive enigma to me.

And he still is …

I only began to put the pieces of the puzzle that is him together over the last few years. Its not done yet. But I think I can understand him a bit better than I started.

If I could see him once more there would be too much to say.

Like where to begin?

How about here: Why Me?

I'm not pretty – even though you told me I was once upon a time.
I'm not popular – I was more invisible than wallpaper until you came and ripped it off me.
I'm not girly – tomboyish and a willing volunteer for the guys' team in gym since there was a major imbalance of guys and girls alike.
I'm not outgoing – like I am at home because you only saw the bookish and quiet side of me.
I was alone – until you said hullo and smiled at me almost everyday.

Still you paid attention to me.

Half of me was confused and lived in constant denial while the other half would soar with hope and afraid my heart would burst all over you and break the spell over us.

The other day I spoke to a friend of mine for advice and he said "He may thought you didn't respond much to his attempts to reach you and he may have given up, so it's your turn now.  Turn the tables. It's not too late!" , "Sometimes, love portrays itself in th strangest of ways, while it may look idiotic and stupid in one individual's eyes, in another, the meaning is so much deeper." and "Your sudden reappearance by the way might spark that back up, and he'd be so stunned that he remembers you.".

And I would remember the times you would ask for my test scores and beam proudly if you bested me while I playfully stuck my tongue at you. Or if I beat you, I would cheer happily while you groaned and swear I wouldn't be so lucky next time while hiding a grin.

And the other times where you took care and remembered my allergies and brought me a different Halloween goody for me, same with valentine's day.

Followed by the Halloween costume contest where I stood up dorkily on stage with the announcer choking out a badly pronouncement of "Inuyasha" and you congratulated me with that famous grin even though I did stand a ghost of a chance against Luigi or was it Mario? I forget. But Mario/Luigi was one of your good friends too but you still congratulated me nevertheless and it made it all the while.

Other times you would be grateful for me on your team because  I was practically the only capable girl able to match the guys' level in any sport, namely our sport – soccer.

Not to mention that one time during those many snow days stuck in the gym where you and three girl were about to play a game of basketball and you called me over to be your partner proudly. I fondly remember although we were probably the ultimate tag-team duo against that trio of giggling girls we kept missing and trying to look cool in front of the other. We never did get that one basket, did we? But we laughed even though I'm sure you were just as disappointed as I was that we didn't even win or even score a basket.

Or that other time when you came late one test during a blizzard with that familiar bright smile as you took a seat at my lonesome table when you could have had any other. Then you made a war over my pencil as you playfully tried to steal it with little success. I'll give you points for purposely making my shy away and lose after a brief skin contact while you did the same with my pencil and victory shining in your eyes. To let you know – it was warm. Very warm.

Another fond memory was during one math class where we had cube blocks and I finished the worksheet and went to play with the leftover cubes, then you sat down without me knowing, after finishing your own of course, and only revealed your presence when you asked me to pass that light green cube. We had a lot of fun then. Laughing and racing to build the best cube-bot warrior. Playfully fight to acquire the last cube. Of course your friend was there too laughing along too, but we were in our little world, weren't we? Personally I think yours was better than mine although you said mine was.

But perhaps the onetime that really stood out the most and continues to puzzle me to this day is when my hearing resource teacher came in to give a presentation based on my hearing impairment. You bravely raised your hand and calmly admitted to having slightly poorer hearing in one ear due to an accident some years prior. Even now I'm dumbstruck and left in awe that you said that in front of everyone. But I remember that you were turning slightly red as I stared in blank admiration of you.

Other times include you personally asked to sign my yearbook while I signed yours, then you actually took the time to read my words, laughing and thanked me with that brilliant smile of yours.  I've hidden mine so I no longer can seem to find it unfortunately. I can't remember how many times I've looked for it only to find nothing but a frown on my own face.

And that last gym class where you suggested I should pitch for the girls' team to give the guys a challenge and I said "no" to hide my embarrassment. I have no excuse for it other than I was embarrassed and oh so very glad you thought so highly of me, but it was also so that the current pitcher wouldn't throw a tantrum. If I could go back, I'd say yes, oh hell I would said yes and try my best.  And certainly decked my meekly naïve past self and screamed MORON. Then proceed to throw up all my lingering regrets and feelings that I still hold buried deep in my hear that not many know at you.

But I think you'd freak out or simply stare in stunned silence. It's that response that I fear the most even now.  What kind of face would you make now if I told you this?

Or perhaps when you called my name that last day and took a picture, admired it briefly before your friend asked you what you were up to, with you hastily covering your camera up and replying with a simple "nothing" then scrambled to take someone else's picture by random. I still wonder what you did with it – not that I'd ask you about it straight away should we meet again. I'll wait because I probably really don't want the answer to that one. It'll spoil the illusion. So shush please.

But there's simply too many other precious moments to me to list here. This is long enough already without me adding more! But if I was asked, then surely I regale them with a fond smile.

All the thank-yous I've said then don't do hint of my eternal gratitude to you justice.

But when did all the "I thank yous" become "I love yous"?

Because that's exactly what happened.

As the year went on, we did more and more events together, and sure enough I was smitten with you.

Eighth Grade became fun. Soon I was looking forward to coming everyday. All because of you. I can't remember that year without remembering you at the helm. I cannot seem to imagine my life before you introduced yourself into my life.

Maybe it was fate or maybe it was coincidence that our gym teacher got mad that day and told the guys to actually USE me on your team rather than pass me by and ignore me. I was stunned when you called my name and passed the ball to me, so much that I briefly stood there in stunned silence only to move again with a brightest smile that ever graced my face and pass it quickly on, and finally score us a basket. After that you repeatedly passed me the ball and slowly the other guys would follow your footsteps and congratulate me for my aid, whenever we scored.

You probably didn't know then but I think that was the actual start. Slowly but surely you entered and engulfed my heart. But you didn't know that you had already captured me from day one.

When you were away, I felt restless, my heart sulking. But when you walked into the room you brought the sun with you. You always had that way of brightening the room and rally the class.

Now here's the part where I say, "I'm sorry".

So terribly sorry for many things, especially never getting up the guts or courage to tell you simply thank-you.

For what?

EVERYTHING.

Your hurt expression, your disappointment reflected clearly in your voice, your downcast eyes when I said no that day when you suggested I should pitch and when I said I wasn't going to Mont Cascades with the class.

I ignored it when I shouldn't have, pierced my heart, scarring it with guilt and remorse. But I was scared – scared and embarrassed. Embarrassed to confess in case you laughed at me and said it was a lie. I couldn't bear to have that happen to me again.  And I was afraid of looking like that stupid lovesick girl that many just shake our heads in dismay, waiting for the final blow to be dropped.

Yet I was that lovesick girl … for you.

But most of all the reason behind not going to Mount Cascades wasn't just my uncle's wedding but rather that I was afraid of being left behind.  With no hearing to aid me. And no one to go with on the rides. I was self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit (I still am). But most of all I was afraid of admitting all that to you. And that you would laugh at me.

But now I know wouldn't have done that.

Because that's not you.

And because of that I always wanted another chance to get it right.

A second chance.

Now I'm getting it.

It begins now, as I walk through those classroom doors and hope – hope that you'll enter Philosophy class on The Great Philosophers 1104 F out of six classes and three choices out of something like several hundred different courses mixed with some outrageous amount of students that attend our university.

But I can't help but wonder that maybe fate won't be as kind to me this time.

It had been repeatedly whenever I ran into you after that special and wonderful year – grade nine art class, the bus stop, my grade 11 visit after transferring schools, the movies, and other various places that I never thought to see you in.

Fate works in mysterious ways.

And it works miracles.

Now it's up to me to make this one count as soon as you stumble through those doors late, stating that you thought the class was elsewhere, and our eyes will meet again and lock after a seven year gap.

I still have some things left unsaid.

I still want to "thank/love" you.

Only if you'll let me that is …

*</sub>

And Another Semester Starts ....

… in which I get to give a BIG shout out to my friend ~HasratAidenn, aka Mary, on dA for letting me drown her in my writer worries and spam her with torturous snippets of my works. Thank you for letting me be my overly dorky self when it comes to books and stories, while being my better and having the cool twin-lepty that I’ve always dreamed of having with someone regarding my life’s work outside the family and friends that I have. And for understand what we writers suffer through when dealing with difficult characters and awful writer blocks that plague us from time to time.  I have so much respect and adoration for your writing it’s not even funny. If I could write like you I think I’d be satisfied, especially how you do some scenes … [swoons]

Okay, Okay, enough of my swooning and adoration.

It is time for my surprise.

And it is this … SONG LYRICS.

It is very very VERY rare that I’ll do lyrics based on a novel than my own. So I’m VERY pleased to say I did it. And when I did I couldn’t really stop. Before I knew it I ended up with five different lyrics ... er, rather two lyrics and three poems. 

Crazy huh?

I was partly inspired by THIS guy here:

Jencarlos Canela singing "Amor Quédate", which is possibly one of my favourite songs by him. Just LOVE him. I've watched several episodes of his telenovelas. He's a good actor with, um, questionable hairstyles. [laughs awkwardly] 

Here's the Spanish & English Mix Version of "Amor Quédate" Lyrics below:

When Mary was describing Azrael's singing voice, I kind of imagined it similar to Jencarlos'. Ahaha ... I can dream. But seriously Jencarlos was GREAT inspiration for the lyrics.

Although my heart breaks a bit learning that he's marrying someone that is in her late 30s although she doesn't look it but he's like what 23/24? It just boggles the mind for me. A 12 yr difference. I'm not one to think its weird but when you think of the long run ... it kind of makes me go ... "Really? That's a jump."  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him but worried how this is going to end, if there IS one. Then again I'm probably over analysing this a bit. [sighs]

Anyway enjoy~! <3

Always,

Magpie

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I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late with Updates!

With a very late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all, I blink and my break is ALMOST over. Where did all the time go? Spent it mostly with family, friends and the likes .... and READING. [laughs] I only JUST got my writing groove back and honestly I'm concerned. It took longer than last time for me to actually get back into ONE of my stories long enough to write or finish a chapter. If I don't continue to write for brief periods over this semester I fear I may end up going insane.

As if I wasn't insane enough to start with. Har har har .... a little harmless homour poke on my part. Please ingore. I'm a bit tired.

On another note, January 9th is a very good friend of mine's special day (meaning her BIRTHDAY) and I have a little surprise for her, which I think she'll just ADORE. I've already hinted this and she's just DYING to know. I'm a little cruel sometimes but in a playful teasing sort of way because I just ADORE you. Not to worry.

The reason is simply because of her story, "Mortal Heart" regarding a love story between a mortal girl and thee Angel of DEATH. I just drooled and fawned over her work so much that I just simply had to reread the first book before even going to the second book.  It is a 5 Book series in the form of "Volumes". She actually put a lot of research AND heart into this series so I only hope within the next couple years it'll finally be in my hands rather than on dA to read. I look forward to actually seeing it a reality! [nods, nods]

I promise to include why I mentioned her series in regards of the "surprise" on Monday. [winks]

Aside from that I have been reading a LOT lately. A mix between stuff for courses and the already LARGE pile of books I've recieved from Christmas as well as since September that I keep hiding and forgetting about until I find them. In fact I think I still have a few books left from four or five Christmases ago unread. YIKES. [laughs] But sooner or later I'll read them in order to balance out the ridiculous literature I have to read for classes. Don't get me wrong. Not all of them are bad -- just make me ask WHY whenever I see that it won some sort of prize or award. Not to mention the formatting and grammatical errors that just make me want to chuck the book or rip it ot shreds .... you have to get me awfully upset/fustrated to make me want to do that to a book folks, which is usually triggered by said author killing off one of my favourite characters. //SOBS

And speaking of killing of characters ... I do it too, so it's a mixed feeling. I don't want to, but the story practically tells me that's the way it goes, so I usually bite back, swallow my heartbroken gasp and ... kill off said character in the most glorious way possible. I really do try ot give their deaths a big meaning in the story -- wait, that's pretty why they get themselves killed off in the first place isn't it? //BAWLS

Anyway I'm starting to drown this post into a bawling fest, which is just depressing so switching to a lighter topic at hand -- I have a good feeling about this year for many reasons, which I'm not going to spill at the moment. I need to sort things out, see how they play out, THEN I'll report back. I don't want to get my hopes completely up only to have them terribly crushed (like last year .... ).

So hopefully, while keeping fingers crossed, things will turn out great maybe even EPIC AWESOME this year.

I mean, it IS the Year of the Almighty Dragon. ROAR.


Always,
Magpie~

*

Its Official ...

After going on a sacavadger hunt for essays and surviving Fall 2011 Exam HELL 101 ... it's official, I'm FREE for the holidays! Just in time too, my brain was really starting to hurt from the massive study overload. No more late nights with me going to bed around 1AM, 2AM, 3AM, etc etc.  'Cause its just ridiculous and quite frankly I rather be writing/working on my book projects.

There are several MAIN projects I have either on paper, in a notebook, on my laptop or in my head at the moment.

01. The Last Masterpiece
           My first Comtemporary piece stand alone novel that I've been working on since April/May Post-Graduation 2010, has more than half written/typed up

02. The AfterGlow Pentalogy
           My Major Series that I've been working on since before Thanksgiving 2010, has various parts planned and written up

03. The Cybernetics Duology
          My first Sci-fi/Thriller/Romance that I just cooked up a day ago, has ideas floating around and forming somewhat

And these are only a FEW of the books & story ideas floating around in my head.  You readers are probably thinking: Good lord woman where do you fit all these things?! .... personally I dunno, I just do. [laughs]

Now I have to grab some books for next semester and return a Christmas present .... yippy.

Always,
Magpie~

*

From the Inner Workings of MAGPIE Comes ....

.... multiple story ideas, of course!

I have so many stories that whenever I think up another, my friends/family tend to say, "You got that look again." which I reply casually: "Look? What look? ... oh you mean THAT look." 

Fortunately for them, I'm only working on TWO main projects at the moment - a stand alone and a 5 book series.

The stand alone book is half written ... actually its a bit more than that really. I can't remember. The last time I touched it was September and that was quite a while ago. It's very different from what I usually write, which is probably what keeps drawing me back to it. Most stories I'll write several chapters, plan it out, jump around, and such - only for something else to distract me and I never really seem to come back to it.

A sad thing, yes. Bad thing, yes. A good thing, perhaps yes too.

Every story I think about needs a strong voice to it, one that will keep bugging me to no end unless I actually write it. Of course the characters and setting and plot has to be interesting and complex/simple to some extent. But its the voice that keeps calling me back. Or rather something about the story that makes it so compelling that I must simply HAVE to write it.  Kind of like those books I stumble upon and I can't put it down until I reach the end and crying for more - only better, because I can learn and discover the story on my own without having to wait.

And that's exactly what this book's main narrator/protagonist did.

That was April/May 2010 before I graduated Secondary School - now I'm at the halfway point of my second year in university.

That narrator/protagonist's story is still staying strong - voice and all.

He's fairly stubborn in that sense.  Yes, it is a male protagonist. Yes, it is in first person.  And that what makes me so nervous.

I'm not a guy but I have a guy-like mindset to an extent. Yes I like action, yes I like fighting, yes I like sports, yes I like getting down and dirty. Quite frankly I love doing "guy" stuff but that doesn't mean I'm not a girl in any way - oh no, I may hate make-up and girly things but I do adore stuff animals and cute/cuddly things.  I'm a sucker for a cute kid/baby/animal every single time.  Which is why I still can't say no to my 4-year-old cousin whenever he demands (in a cute nice way of course) to play trains and cars and whatnot.

Now that I've established the point I'm not a guy but a girl who LOVES her guy stuff - my uneasiness should be clear.

I've never written from First Person, much less a GUY'S.  But I am willing to take up the challenge.  I love challenges. Always have, always will. And yes, I've somehow managed to delved deep into his subconscious and ripped out what makes him tick, what makes him sad, what makes him happy - all the necessary things I did to know about him.  In figurative sense of course, not literal!

Then for a test drive (yes, I like to think of the first draft as a test drive because you never know how readers are going to react) I gave the first chapter - the prologue - to my brother, who is younger than the narrator/protagonist, to read it. Now my brother often states he's not a BIG reader like I am (I'm just MAD about books) but he gave me the benefit of the doubt and read it.  Oh the suspense that awaited me as I held my breath as he read it carefully and slowly.  Once he was done I asked him how it was and the conversation kind of went like this:

"It's different."


"Yes, I know its different, but is it a 'GOOD' different?"


"Yeah, it is." A pause. "I like it."


"Really?"


"Yes. I really did."


".... You realize its from a guy's perspective right?"


"Yeah."


"Was it any good? I didn't want him to sound corny or whiny or anything annoying like. Mainly does he sound like a guy?"


"Yes, he does, but one question: He's not going to stay this way throughout the whole novel is he?"


"Oh hell no!"


"Good."


"He's going to change over the course of the novel for the better."


"Better not be because of a girl, 'cause that's SO cliched."


"Umm .... not exactly?  More like the reverse.  She acts as a guide but in reality he ends up helping her. Completing his journey in a sense in a full circle-like effect."


".... alright, I'll give it a read when you've finished it. Don't go getting a big head about it though, I'm just curious how it'll turn out.  It's actually very different from what I'd expected of you Mags."


"Aww really?  Thanks lil bro!"


"Yeah, yeah, just don't turn him into a pansy or anything."


"I won't! I promise!"

Well that was pretty much the exchange that has renewed hope in me and installed confidence that I can see this story through. My younger brother happens to be a very HARD guy to sell a story to, especially a contemporary one.  He's the kind of guy that likes those old war movies and actiony guns-ablazing dudes with explosives happening everywhere constantly. [laughs] But for him to say that was very shocking.  Because every story before it, he'll nod and say its good but nothing else - probably thinking silently that it might be cliched or corny or "its been done before" mindset. So if he thinks its good, it's going to be. I'll be keeping my fingers cross about it.

As for other responses, I've explained the overall plot to one person who just looked at me in awe and told me I really should write it. That was my grandfather, who has been waiting to read it for almost two years now. [chuckles weakly] The other two people I've shown are friends of mine and they pretty much demanded more, which is kind of my own fault that I broke off in mid-sentence in the middle of the first chapter - not the prologue but the first. [laughs] Lastly I read a passage to a cousin of mine who just thought it was really well done.  She's also been spreading the word to, about me aspiring to be a writer/novelist to her class, much to my embarressment. [laughs]

Once the next two days end, exams will be finally done for me, and I'll officially be free to actually do some major writing.  I hope to complete it over the holidays and send it to people I know as a New Year's gift for feedback and whatnot.  Then I'll spend time alternating between this novel, which is very likely to be my debut novel should it ever be published and my 5 book series.

This post is getting incredibly long now so I'll leave you guys with two things:

The stand alone novel's title is: "The Last Masterpiece"

And tagline is: "Even in the heart of a tragedy, there is a way to a smile."

It's also one of my many personal mottos too. [winks]


Always,
Magpie <3

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